Creating Joy in the Holiday Season: A Guide to Feeling Empowered, Not Overwhelmed

The holiday season is meant to be joyful. But let’s be honest; sometimes it feels more like a to-do list with glitter. Between shopping, planning, social events, family dynamics, and year-end deadlines, joy can start to slip through the cracks. You might feel like you’re doing everything for everyone and still falling short.

That’s not because you’re doing it wrong. It’s because this time of year can pile on expectations faster than you can say “Secret Santa.” And when your energy is stretched thin, your mood and relationships can take a hit. What changes that? A sense of high agency. When you feel in charge of your time, your choices, and your energy, everything starts to feel lighter. Joy becomes something you create; not something you chase.

This guide is here to help you shift from stress to empowerment. With a few simple tools, you can replace overwhelm with clarity, and pressure with purpose. Let’s start where most of us are right now: feeling stretched.

Understanding Where Overwhelm Comes From

Overwhelm doesn’t show up out of nowhere. It builds. It builds when you’re juggling too many responsibilities, trying to meet everyone’s needs, and not sure what matters most. It builds when your calendar is packed, but your priorities are fuzzy. It builds when you’re trying to do something you’ve never done before like plan a big gathering or stick to a holiday budget without the right skills or support. Uncertainty also plays a role. When you’re not sure where to start, it’s easy to freeze. Tasks start to feel heavier just because they’re unclear. And when everything feels urgent, nothing gets done.

The good news is that clarity cuts through overwhelm. You don’t need to fix everything at once. You just need one small, doable step. Set a timer for five minutes and start with something tiny like writing a grocery list or sending one email. Small actions create movement. Movement creates momentum.

What High Agency Looks Like in the Holiday Season

High agency means you’re in the driver’s seat. It’s the belief that your choices matter and that you can take action, even when things are messy. It’s not about controlling everything; it’s about owning your response. During the holidays, high agency might look like setting a clear boundary around your time. It might mean saying, “I can’t make it to that event, but I’d love to catch up another time.” It could be planning a meal that’s simple instead of elaborate because your energy is limited. It might mean asking a friend to help with errands or giving your kids more responsibility.

High agency is about being intentional. You’re not reacting—you’re deciding. That’s where joy lives. When you make choices that align with your energy and values, you feel more present and less resentful. You stop trying to do it all, and start doing what matters.

Getting Clear on What Matters Most

Before you commit to anything else this season, pause. Ask yourself: What actually brings me joy? What do I look forward to? What drains me?

Grab a sheet of paper and draw two columns. On one side, list the things you love about the holidays; maybe it’s baking cookies, quiet mornings, or laughing with your cousins. On the other side, list the things that feel heavy; maybe it’s last-minute shopping, too many late nights, or hosting out of obligation.

Look at those lists. What can you protect or prioritize from the joy list? What can you skip or simplify from the drain list?

This isn’t about doing less for the sake of doing less. It’s about doing more of what matters. When you get clear on your values, your decisions get easier. You stop chasing someone else’s version of the holidays and start building your own.

Shifting from Problem-Focus to Solution-Focus

It’s easy to get stuck thinking about what’s not working. The dinner plans are too complicated. The budget feels tight. The schedule is packed. But staying in problem-mode keeps you stuck.

What helps is asking: “What’s one thing I can do right now to make this easier?”

Maybe you swap a homemade dessert for store-bought. Maybe you set a spending limit and stick to it. Maybe you block off one evening just for yourself.

Focusing on what you can do builds confidence. It reminds you that you’re not powerless. You’re creative. You’re capable. You don’t have to solve everything at once. One good decision leads to the next.

Breaking It Down to Build It Up

Big tasks can feel impossible when you’re already stretched. That’s why breaking them into small steps is so powerful. Take gift shopping, for example. Don’t start with “Buy presents for everyone.” Start with “Make a list of names.” Then “Set a budget.” Then “Choose one gift today.” Each step is simple. Together, they build progress.

When you’re short on time and energy, try sorting tasks into three categories:

- Must do: Things that truly matter and can’t be skipped.

- Nice to do: Things that would be great if you have the bandwidth.

- Can wait: Things that aren’t urgent and can be dropped or delayed.

Focus your energy where it counts. You don’t need to do everything. You need to do the right things.

The Power of Support and Self-Compassion

You don’t have to do this alone. Ask for help. Delegate where you can. Let people support you. That’s not weakness—it’s wisdom. When things don’t go perfectly, be kind to yourself. Perfection is not required. Presence is. If the cookies burn or the schedule changes, you’re still doing your best. That’s enough.

Check in with yourself regularly. Are you tired? Hungry? Overstimulated? Take a walk. Take a breath. Take a break. Small resets can make a big difference.

Creating Moments That Actually Feel Good

Joy doesn’t have to be planned down to the minute. It can be a simple walk with a friend, a silly game with your kids, or a quiet half-hour with a book and a blanket.  Build in time for connection, rest, and fun. These don’t need to be big events; they just need to be real. When you make space for what feels good, you create memories that last.

You Can Choose Joy

Joy isn’t about getting everything right. It’s about showing up with intention. You have the power to shape your holiday season. You can choose what matters. You can protect your energy. You can act with purpose.  Pick one idea from this guide to try this week. See how it shifts your energy. See how it changes the way you show up. You don’t need a perfect plan. You just need one small step. Joy is possible and it starts with you.